Underwear
by Carpe.Deum
Summary: This was odd. No doubt about it. In all of Edward’s fifteen years of life, the fact that he was a State Alchemist had allowed both him and his brother to witness some very strange things. One would think he would be getting used to it by now.


Hi everyone! This is just a oneshot inspiried by me cleaning up after my little brother and how much I detest it. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it!

* * *

Underwear

This was odd. No doubt about it. In all of Edward's fifteen years of life, the fact that he was a State Alchemist had allowed both him and his brother to witness some very strange things. One would think he would be getting used to it by now.

The blond stood in the middle of his room at the new military dorms in Central, and just stared down at the objects on the carpet. Said objects were his boxers from yesterday and a note, folded neatly atop said boxers. The boxers he knew where they came from; he had been in a rush to get into the shower yesterday after another of his long fights with the general, and promptly started undressing once the dorm door was shut behind him. The following day, Ed was in another rush, this time to get back to headquarters, seeing how that bastard Colonel was in need of him, and as such, the blonde hadn't had the chance to pick his undergarment off the floor.

The note, however, he had no idea. It wasn't there yesterday, neither was it there this morning. The whole thing was very puzzling.

"Why don't you _read_ it, brother?" Alphonse suggested from his seat on the bed, mockery clearly laced in his tone. Ed grumbled something about how he was getting to it, and retrieved the note, unfolding it.

"Read it out loud!"

"Alright alright! Sheesh…"

"_Dear Resident,_

_Seeing how this is your first offense, we will ask you nicely; please keep your unmentionables off the floor and in the hamper where they belong. We would be more than willing to do your laundry should you request it, but please have some consideration. We do not want to touch your unmentionables, just as you probably would not want to touch ours. _

_Thank you,_

_The third floor staff of Building A"_

"…I don't believe this…"

"I know. The dorms have maids! I didn't know that"

Edward glared at his younger brother, causing Alphonse to clam up.

"I'm not picking that up. If it BOTHERS them so much, let it bother them. I don't care"

* * *

The next day, there was another note, and Alphonse was the one to read it out loud. Ed was too flabbergasted at the nerve of whoever this was to even look at it.

"_Dear Resident,_

_We must say we are sorry to see that you have not taken our request into consideration, seeing how your unmentionables are still on the floor. Perhaps you could not locate the hamper? It is in the closet adjacent to the bathroom door. We've taken the liberty of including a map at the back of this note, in case you should still not be able to find it._

_Happy hunting,_

_The third floor staff of Building A"_

"This HAS to be some kind of joke" Edward exclaimed, wrenching the paper out of his younger sibling's hands. He examined the handwriting closely, trying to pinpoint it as belonging to someone he knew.

"Brother, maybe you should just put your dirty underwear in the hamper?"

"HELL NO. They drew a freakin' map. They're insulting my intelligence!"

"I think it was a nice gesture…" Al mumbled, mostly to himself.

Hey, they could have really had trouble finding it.

* * *

The pair returned to their dorm the following day to see papers posted on the walls of their shared bedroom. There was a paper taped onto the dresser with an arrow pointing towards the bathroom. There was another one on the bathroom door pointing towards the closet. There was yet another paper on the closet doors; this one depicted in perfect artistic realism the doors as if they were open. Once the doors were opened there was _another _note taped onto the wall, just above the hamper, pointing down.

The Elrics simultaneously stared down into the hamper, and Al had a very hard time containing his laughter.

At its bottom, there was a perfect artist's rendition of Ed's boxers.

The blonde, red-faced and fuming, stomped over to his discarded undergarment and snatched up today's note.

"_Dear Resident,_

_Seeing how you had trouble following the suggestions in our previous two notes, it has occurred to us that you may well be illiterate. In such a case, it would make perfect sense to why you couldn't follow the simple directions we gave you. Also, if you were illiterate, you wouldn't be able to understand why there was a map leading to the hamper on the last note, seeing how its purpose was stated in words, which you cannot seem to understand. But fret not, dear resident. We have taken the liberty of creating signs for which even one as illiterate such as yourself could follow to the hamper without trouble. _

_Hoping you aren't blind and wondering to myself why I am writing a letter to a person who can't read…,_

_The third floor staff of Building A"_

"Ok, NOW I think they're insulting your intelligence"

* * *

Edward returned to the dorm early, this time alone. Al had stayed behind helping Hawkeye with something. Whatever. He hadn't touched his boxers just to piss off the staff, and came back early to see what the outcome was.

He wasn't prepared for this.

His boxers weren't on the floor anymore. Actually, they just weren't _there._

A pair of frilly, lavender, lace panties sat in their place, with a note folded neatly on top.

"_Dear Resident,_

_Don't worry. The panties aren't mine. Enjoy._

_:D,_

_The third floor staff of Building A"_

"Pfft. Like THAT'S a big deal. I have…other…boxers?"

The alchemist had wandered over to the dresser and opened the drawer where he kept his undergarments. In their place were a dozen frilly, lavender, lace panties.

A not-so-manly scream was heard echoing out of the room, through the halls of the third floor military dorm Building A. The staff of that floor, walking back towards said building from her lunch break, smirked to herself.

It seems her friend wasn't illiterate after all.

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Reviews would be much appreciated! Also, I would like your opinion on whether I should elaborate on this one shot and flesh a multi-chaptered story out of it. Or maybe just create a series of oneshots? Please let me know what you think. Thank you!


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